Guilt Free Baby Number Three

If two is company, then they'd have you believe that three is a crowd! I am not sure I totally agree, yet at this point, I can't say for certain that I disagree with that statement either! Four months ago we welcomed baby no# 3 into our family, and have faced many unsolicited opinions about that choice. And here is where I would like to emphasize the word "choice." That is what it was.  

Our beautiful baby number three!

We made a conscious decision to have another baby. We discussed it, weighed the pros and cons, looked at our budget (yes, we knew it will be tight!) considered my age (yes, I will have children in my home until retirement!) the age of the other children, and we still decided that for "our family," having another baby would bring us more joy (not less) and would be another blessing to love. I always wanted a big family, and would love to have had many more children, but it just wasn't meant to be for this family of five.

Harrison is proud to be a big brother again!

Contrary to what society calls the "norm," which last time I checked, I believe is one boy and one girl (in any order) about 2 years apart, we would be breaking tradition. We are all expected to fit into this category. The world is set up for families of four. Most houses are built standard as 3 bedroom homes. The majority of vehicles comfortably seat 4 people, with that middle seat in the back to be used as nothing more than a divider, to draw your imaginary line and stake out your territory and claim your space in the back seat, in hopes of getting one or two more inches than your unsuspecting sibling. Vacation packages are usually set up for parties of four. And don't even get me started on hotel rooms and their policies on the number of people allowed per room and the extra charges you incur when you exceed their two adult/two children rule! Tables and booths in restaurants are most conveniently set up to accommodate parties of four. Many kitchen tables come with four chairs. And the list goes on. And then there are all the possibilities that I haven't even thought of yet!

Stetson is finally a big brother too!

But why is it that because society has set out these guidelines (not even sure what they are for really!) that when you announce your third pregnancy, people look at you like you have two heads and they assume you have gone mad! I don't believe it's a contagious condition. I also don't believe it's something in the water! It may be something in the wine, but definitely not the water! However, everyone acts like you may be slightly crazy for taking fate into your own hands and having that awkward poor third child. "Oh my God!" was the most common reaction. They also wondered if I knew what caused it. Yes, it's the wine. Some assumed it was obviously an accident. Others were concerned about my age and the risks involved in having a baby over 40. Some made comments about having to start all over again! Don't you have to start all over again with every baby, no matter their birth order? I mean, they don't come to you half grown! They do require some ground work that usually starts in the form of a newborn! But let's get to what they believe to be the "real" reason for baby number three...we must have wanted a girl. As the parents of two boys, there is only one reasonable explanation for why we would have another baby, and that would be to have a girl. After all, who wants three boys?

Our sweet little angel.

The truth is, that was never part of the discussion. I realize that is hard to believe. We really just wanted another child to love. Another sibling for the two beautiful and amazing boys we already had. We wanted a bigger family. A girl would be nice. So would a boy. I admit that I was drawn to the pinks, the purples and the frilly dresses in the girl aisle, and wondered awkwardly what it would be like to buy them and dress up a girl like a little doll. Then I walked past the hair and makeup aisle, not to mention the endless accessories required and remembered that I have no idea about accessorizing or doing hair! It actually gave me slight anxiety! I would then return to the boys department and stroll the aisles with ease, looking at all the blue denim and plaid, and knowing with confidence that I could pull off a cute baby boy ensemble with jeans and a cute onesie! No accessories or hair bows required! I also remembered the bins full of blue clothes and blankets I had ready to roll out at home, in the event of another boy, and all the money we have invested in hockey equipment, that would be nice to hand down....again! It became obvious to me that having another boy would just be easier! I already knew what to do with a boy. We also didn't own anything pink or frilly. I don't even know the names of all the Disney princesses. Yes, having a girl would give me anxiety. 

Welcome to our family Fletcher!

We decided not to find out the gender of our baby and opted to wait for the surprise ending! On an early morning last October, in the OR of our rural small town hospital, as my doctor called out one single word that would seal our fate as a family of five forever, I felt complete joy when the only word spoken from beyond the green curtain half way through our c-section, was...."Boy!" That is all he said! I did ask twice, to confirm what I'd heard..."Did he say boy!?" I felt thrilled, ecstatic, joy, elation, excitement, and yes, some relief, in knowing that I would forever be a Mom to my own Boys Only Club! I would remain the Queen of this Castle!

Our Pride of  Boys!

However, the reaction of most people to the news of a third boy is equally surprising, as the reactions to announcing a third pregnancy. When people hear you have three boys, they immediately place their hand on your arm, lowered their head, glance at you with a look of sympathy and say "I'm sorry!" Sorry!? I am not! They also assume you are very busy and have your hands full. Any mother of three is busy and has her hands full! Three has turned out to be much harder and much more work than only having two, but that has nothing to do with gender. Three is crazy. Three is loud. Three is non stop action. Three is being outnumbered by children. Three puts you over the edge. But we love each and every one of them and would not have it any other way! I would not trade any of them in for a girl. We love our little family of five. Our pride of boys. Three is it's own unique brand of homemade chaos indeed!

Summer Momma!

I realized that I'm about 5 months behind on blog posts, and attempted to sit down at my computer this morning with a cup of coffee to write about how much I love lazy summer days, filled with sunshine and moments spent with my adorable children, creating lifelong memories. That was 5 hours ago and I'm still drinking the same (now reheated and lukewarm at best) cup of coffee! I have been interrupted countless times to: send those adorable children outside to play, tell them to stay out (did I mention how adorable they are when they play outside!?) remind them to stop leaning on the new screen door (which has been in for 3 wks & already has a tear in it!) then to set up the slip & slide for same adorable children, which lead me on a new mission to find their bathing suits, dig out towels & locate a swim diaper, change Stetson & rub them down in sunscreen. By then they were hungry for lunch (I still have breakfast dishes piled in the sink to prove that I fed them not long ago!) So I made them a snack while I prepared lunch, and while I am sure they've eaten enough, Harrison still claims to be hungry. I've also, by nothing short of a miracle done 3 loads of laundry and managed to pack Harrison's suitcase, for a 10 day long adventure at the lake with his Dad. Because I am not creative enough to think up a new topic, I will alter my post slightly about summer days spent in the sun....or at the computer (I'm sitting on the deck right now in the shade, still sipping on what might as well be ice coffee) when the children will allow me such luxury.

I do enjoy the long lackadaisical days that summer brings. Staying up late to catch the last rays of the sun before it dips down below the horizon. Sleeping in long past dawn, until the children wake me, and not being a slave to the snooze button. Eating breakfast half way through the morning, sipping my coffee on the deck, getting dressed at noon (if we choose!) watching the boys splash in the paddling pool, playing in the yard, walks to the park, bike rides around town, impromptu play dates, dinners on the deck that have been grilled on the BBQ and long family walks at dusk. I like the laid back pace our lives take. It is nice to have a break from making lunches, rushing Harrison out the door for school, racing to the rink for hockey practices and being tied up all weekend, on the road to nowhere for hockey, hockey and more hockey!

However, there are days like today that I crave routine! It is now well over 6 hrs since I first sat down to start this post & I'm back in the house, listening to both boys get cleaned up in the tub before Stetson's nap & I gave up on that ice coffee long ago! I am slightly stressed out by the lack of a strict schedule that the school year brings.


There is a certain amount of familiarity and calmness that comes with sending Harrison off to school every morning! I enjoy my one on one time with Stetson, and do not miss the fighting, the whining and the chaos that ensues from having both boys home all day, every day. Most of you know by now that Harrison is my challenge (for those of you that don't, welcome to my blog!) and he was sent here to teach me patience, to never give up on someone you love, grace in the face of adversity & a whole list of other life lessons I apparently missed in my many past lives! I'm sure the entire neighbourhood has heard me yell, several times in a short span of time, "Harrison...STOP arguing with me and just DO IT!" Another great reason I miss the cooler temperatures....we keep our windows closed!!!

While summer is fun and lazy, I look forward to getting back into a routine, and a sense of purpose and direction to our days. Though, I do not look forward to the cooler days ahead and winter driving. If only I could pick and choose....enjoy a more structured schedule somewhere tropical! What kind of Summer Momma (or dad) are you!? Lazy and laid back, relaxed in the sun with no schedule, or do you keep a routine and navigate the long, sunny summer days with a sense of structure!?

~ And for the record, this blog has now been well over 7 hours in the making! However, I did finally get Stetson down for a nap & cheated by turning on the TV for Harrison, just so I could finish! ~

Holy Moly Goalie Mama Drama!

I survived my first season as an official Goalie Mom! Harrison has wanted to be a goalie since he could stand and hold a hockey stick. Before he could talk, or even knew what hockey was, he would stand in the net with a hockey stick and would have us take shots on him. It seemed odd to shoot pucks at my toddler, but he insisted....unlike all the other children I know, who are anxious to score a goal, my son wanted to stop them! By the age of four, he had his own set of goalie street pads, a goalie street mask and an impressive collection of goalie sticks! One of my favorite memories of him as a preschooler, is of us watching a Flames game on TV from our living room, and him wearing his full goalie equipment and making every save along with Kiprusoff and acting out the entire game as if it were him in the net. It proved to be a valuable exercise for what would later prove to be his position of preference!

When he was 5 years old and we signed him up for Minor Hockey, he asked to be the goalie. The only problem was, that until they start playing at the Atom level (age 9-10) they rotate positions. He was so frustrated by this. He wanted to play net. He knew he belonged in net. But, rules are rules and he rotated positions as set out by the Minor Hockey guidelines stated by our association. That didn't seem to matter to him. He would just stand in front of the net and play goalie from "D". The coaches have had to tell him not to play goalie from outside the net and have been heard yelling from the bench, "Harrison, you're on Defence! Defence! Get out of the crease!" You can take the boy out of the net, but you can't take the net out of the boy!!! He finally got his big break in first year Novice (age 7-8) when he had proved himself in net in a handful of regular season games & the coach asked him to be the play off goalie! That year they had an awesome play off run and won the banner in their division, with Harrison as the goalie! And if he wasn't hooked before, he was then....

So last fall, we agreed to let him try out for goalie. We sunk a small fortune into goalie equipment and decided to let him get it out of his system. After a full season as one of two goalies for the Olds Grizzlies Atom B hockey team, it's still not out of his system! Being the goalie is a tough gig. The goalie is like the Lone Wolf. You are the only one playing an individual game in a team sport. You are the only one on that team defending the net, stopping very hard frozen pucks with all parts of your body, your head included, as the last line of defence, shutting down the shooters of the opposing team, while the rest of your team is shooting the puck in the opposite direction, with the single goal of scoring. The puck has to make it through five of your teammates, including two of your own defencemen (who can be your best friend, or your worst nightmare!) before you even get a piece of it....but when you do, it's Do or Die! It's all or nothing! There can be a lot of standing around for a few seconds of total adrenaline rush. It's far more of a mental game than a physical game, even though the goalie has to be very fit and flexible. You need to bring your best game, every game. Do not let them shake your confidence or it will mess with your head and throw you off your game. You take the fall for a tough loss, as the team can be quick to blame the goalie for lack of defence. And you rarely get recognized for the glory of a hard fought win.

Besides your defencemen, a goalie's other best friend is the goal post! As a Goalie Mom, there is no sweeter sound than hearing that unmistakable "ting" of the hockey puck hitting the goal post! I can conjure it up now like no other parent can, and can still get the exact pitch as it rings out across the cold arena. And I always let out a sigh of relief when I hear the familiar "thunk" of the puck bouncing off his stick. When my nerves can't take it and I can't look, I can close my eyes and listen, and still tell you exactly what happened! It takes nerves of steel to be a good Goalie Mom. The best compliment I had all season, was when one of the other Mom's on our team came up to me at a high tension game and said to me, "I don't know how you do it. I don't know how you can watch him play in net and stay so calm."  All I could think was....'I'm NOT calm!!! Do I look calm!? I might look calm on the outside, but I'm freaking out on the inside!' And that's the secret to being a good Goalie Mom! Never let them see you sweat! Show confidence in your player, even if you're losing. Stand behind your goalie, win, lose or draw. In both role as goalie and Goalie Mom, it is all guts and very little glory! But the secret is doing it with grace!

Pay It Forward

We are thrilled to fill you all in on our exciting news! We found out Sunday via a late evening phone call, that we have been selected as Top 5 semi-finalists in a local contest to earn a FREE wedding, by Paying It Forward in our community, through an amazing organization called Wedding Saviours!!! This is very exciting for us, and we invite you to share in our joy and excitement as you follow our story and support us by "Liking" our link on my Facebook page, by voting for us if/when we make the Top 3 and by reading my blog posts here, as well as the ones on the website I will be required to post. Most of all, it is your love and support and all of you cheering us on from the sidelines that will keep us going and help us stay focused on our goal of earning a free wedding!

 

Our story started in January, when I attended the Bliss Bridal Fair in Red Deer with my sister, as a casual Bride To Be, with no set wedding date, not enough money saved up to plan anything and no plan set in stone to make any of our wedding dreams come true. I attended the Bridal Fair seeking inspiration and ideas. I didn't know what that would look like, however, I felt if I could surround myself with all of that creative energy, the inspiration I needed would come. And it did, in the form of a booth with a kind lady promoting a very worthwhile organization who would later prove to hold the key to our dream of a perfect wedding! She told me about Wedding Saviours, and how they "make the world a better place, one wedding at a time." I couldn't wait to come home and tell Joe all about the possibility of our dream becoming a reality! It would be a long process, and prove to be intense at times, but if we could stay focused on the bigger picture, it would be worth applying!

Wedding Saviours helps couples who have overcome financial and/or emotional hardships, to make their wedding dreams come true, by having them volunteer together in their community, as a way of paying it forward to earn a free wedding. The first step is filling out the online application and answering several questions about past and current volunteer experience, what situations we have overcome, what we are doing to move forward, how our family and friends would describe us and what winning this contest would mean to us. They carefully reviewed all of the applications and we were selected to be among the Top 5 finalists! Now the real work begins, as our task is to choose a worthy organization for which we would like to volunteer our time...together. That is the challenge! Not only to choose a place to volunteer our time, but to work it into our opposite and busy schedules, around raising our two young and energetic children! We must volunteer together, to help strengthen our relationship and solidify our bond as a couple. We are required to document our experience by taking photos, videos, and writing about how it has helped us grow as a couple. We will then face the Red Deer wedding team panel of judges sometime mid-April for an in depth interview, at which time they will select the Top 3 couples to move forward into the final round! These three couples must complete the Charity Challenge, by spending an entire day, working together at the Red Deer Food Bank. After that and one last round of public voting, the wedding team will choose one couple as the winners, who will be awarded a wedding, made possible by local businesses who have stepped up and donated their time and talents, by offering their services free of charge to make a very special couple's dream come true!

We are thrilled and honoured to have made it into the Top 5 to compete as semi finalists. We are prepared to do whatever it takes to compete, and you can sugarcoat it with volunteer work and call it Pay It Forward, but we are in it to win it! However, if we don't end up winning the wedding, we will still come out of this experience richer for having been a part of it. And I know that the memories we make, volunteering together, and teaching our boys the importance of giving back to your community will last a lifetime. I am anxious and excited to see where this crazy ride will take us! Stay tuned and follow along as we prepare to Pay It Forward!

Happy Housewife

After I wrote my last blog post, I immediately felt as though I was complaining about the life I chose, and did not appreciate all of the wonderful things that come with that life. That really isn't so! It just so happened that the week prior to that, I'd engaged in three separate discussions, with three different stay at home moms, who all felt the same way about that overwhelming feeling of never feeling like the housework is done. Add to that how easy it is to start resenting your partner for the opportunity they get to leave the house on a daily basis, and to come home to relax, while our workload continues to pile up! We shared our feelings of frustration over this. On one account, it lead us into a further discussion about what she'd like to read about it my blog. She suggested she likes reading about what she refers to as "real life housewife horrors!" She said it makes her feel better to read about the everyday, real life challenges, that we all face, as women, as mothers, whether we work outside the home or at home, knowing that others feel the same way! Misery really does love company! And so, after piecing together my thoughts, and recounting the discussions I had about what really can be the "everyday real life horrors" that all housewives can relate to, I wrote that post. And now I feel compelled to write about the flip side!

I am very thankful that Joe works so hard to allow me the luxury of staying home to be here for our boys. Not only does he simply allow me, he encouraged me to do it and supports me in my role as stay at home mom. He fully understands the importance of having me be at home for the sake of both children. I'm not sure if it's him not having to ever clean up, do his own laundry, clean a toilet, wonder how or who will get Harrison to his hockey practice or worry about who is at home with the children and what they are being taught! It's not considered child labor to have your 2 year old "learn" how to do laundry and unload the dishwasher is it!? I am thankful for the health of both of my beautiful boys. Add to that list, the health of the rest of my family and my own health and happiness. Although, some days I worry about the state of my mental health! I am grateful for such happy, well adjusted, energetic and willing to learn something new everyday offspring of mine! They light up my life and fill my days with joy! I am blessed to have found Joe and to be raising these bundles of endless energy with him, and to walk through life with him by my side, as my partner in this chaos!!! My life is full of blessings and reasons to give thanks. And while some days it's easy to get caught up in the chaos of it all and forget how lucky I am....I am ever mindful of the struggles of so many others, who suffer many more grievances than I do, and have much bigger burdens to carry. And so, when I look around at the chaos at my feet, it is a reminder of all of life's blessings piled up around me, and I should be so lucky to be the one to sort through it and make sense of it all! And like I've said before....it may be chaos at times, but it's our own brand of homemade chaos, and for that, I am truly thankful and one happy housewife!

Hard Working Housewife

As a "Stay At Home Mom" I have many roles all rolled into one. I am a mother to two wonderful little boys, a partner to the most amazing man, and, a housewife to all of us! I have many jobs to accomplish in one day. Tidy up the toys, clean the kitchen, do the dishes, wipe down the bathrooms, fold the laundry, make the meals. I also have various tasks to tackle. Pay the bills, feed the pets, help with homework & keep track of every one's schedule. I have several titles to live up to. Care giver, nurse, teacher, counsellor & taxi driver to name but a few. Some I love, some I loathe. Some depend on the day and how much energy I have. Others depend on the rest of the week, what else I have to cram into such a short time and what other deadlines I am up against. It's all a careful balancing act.

One of the hardest parts of choosing (and I do realize it is a choice) to stay at home to raise the children myself, is finding ways to overcome the never ending monotony of the daily mundane chores. You know which ones I mean. The ever growing pile of dirty laundry that I can never seem to find the bottom of. And the tandem pile next to this one, of the clean clothes that are in need of being folded and put in their rightful place. The sight of the dirty dishes piled in the sink, because I'm too busy cleaning up the mess on the kitchen floor to unload the clean dishes from the dishwasher to make room for the dirty ones. The toilets that need scrubbing. The counter tops that need a deep clean, but all I have time for is a quick wipe down with Lysol wipes. The dust that is so deep I can write messages to the children in it, reminding them to clean their rooms. Oh right....the children's rooms'! Those are a mess too! Don't even mention the crumbs on the kitchen floor that haven't been swept today, or the vacuum that sits downstairs, yet to be turned on this week.

However, this long list of not yet accomplished goals should not be used to measure what I have failed to achieve. Let it be, rather, a marker of all the other important tasks I successfully executed in their place. Before 8am every week day morning, I have managed to get out of bed, feed and dress two children, make a pot of coffee (perhaps trivial to you, but the rest of my day hinges on this one pot of coffee being made!) make Harrison's lunch (I am often too tired the night before) and have most often had an exhausting argument about the importance of going to school every single day, whether or not you like it! All this followed by the actual trip to school, with more arguing and last minute instructions and one final "I love you" as he slams the car door in my face! My day is far from over. I fill the rest of my morning with diaper changes, cleaning up raw eggs off the carpet and end table (yes, this really happened!) kicking the kitten off the top of the gecko cage and often out of the fridge (don't even ask!) scrubbing impossible wax crayon off the walls of our current rental home, finding the child-proof doorknob cover ripped off the pantry door (yes, baby Bam Bam can pull it right off the doorknob!) and chasing my toddler off of many precarious places, like the top of the giant cat climber! All before noon! I get some reprieve while Stetson naps in the afternoon, and have that quiet time to thank for what little sanity I seem to have left. The after school routine is just as stressful as the morning rush. Pick Harrison up from school and either head home to fight about homework, or to the library for his Junior Readers program or we find ourselves at the arena, once again for another hockey practice. We still have to fit dinner in there somewhere...they do have to eat, don't they!? Didn't I just feed them this morning?!

I try not to envy my better half, as he goes out the door to work every night, leaving me a kitchen full of leftover dinner to be put away, a sink full of dirty dinner dishes and two cranky, over tired children who need to be bathed and put to bed. He flashes me a look that half heartily says he is sorry, when I know that deep down, he really is not. And let's face it...if I could walk away from it all, only to return 8 hours later to find it has been cleaned up by a magic housekeeping fairy, I would too! He goes to work, puts in his hours and comes home to relax. There is a clear definition between work and play for him. When my full time job is cleaning the house and doing laundry for 4 people, my job is never done! Not only does it not end, but the lines between work and relaxation are blurred. I feel like I can't relax as long as there is cleaning and laundry to be done. But when that never ends, how do you know when it's time to relax!? I feel guilty when I've put the children to bed, and I'm exhausted after a long day of laundry and homework and hockey, and all I want to do is sit on the couch, watch trash TV and drink wine. But I know that if I don't tidy up the kitchen and pick up the toys, that they will be there to greet me in the morning and it will still need to get done.

It is hard to hold in my resentment and not let it eat away at our relationship, when I know how hard he works to allow me the luxury of being able to stay home, to be there for our boys. It can be frustrating, to watch him come home from work and want to relax, and unwind, while I am 3 loads of laundry behind and I'm afraid of walking across the kitchen floor for fear of sticking to it! How can he just relax, when clearly there is still so much to be done!? That is when I realize, that unless I force myself to take a break from it all, it will consume me and build barriers in our relationship and prevent me from enjoying precious time with my family. Some days, I have to remind myself to leave the laundry and live with sticky floors. The whole reason we have made these sacrifices is so that I can be there for my family. Where my floors and windows don't sparkle and shine, my childrens' eyes will instead. And that is a choice I can live with!

I am both a mother and a housewife
But when forced to choose one role or the other
I am always first their mother

Two Year Old Angst

Today we celebrated two amazing years since we welcomed our precious little surprise miracle into our family. He is the one little soul we didn't know we were waiting for. And now the brightest light we couldn't live without. He stole my heart the moment I found out we were expecting him and my love for him hasn't stopped growing since that day. We anxiously awaited his arrival, with all the trepidations of pregnancy that one does. Was he a boy? Was she a girl? What colour would the baby's hair be? Would our baby even have hair? Would this baby look like his/her big brother? And the leading question....how tall would this baby be?! On a frigid winter morning, with the temperature sitting at -35C plus windchill, as March came in like a lion, our beautiful baby boy came out like a lamb.


He turned us from a mother and son duo, with a partner, into a family of four instantly. He gave Harrison the title of Big Brother, turned Joe into a Daddy, and gave me the second baby I had been longing for. He was our sweet little cherub...all he was missing were his wings.

He has grown and changed so much in just two short years, as they do. From a long list of firsts, to major milestones, to the lessons he continues to learn at a such a rapid rate, it's far too fast to keep pace with! He is a bundle of energy and a source of constant joy! He will charm you with his blue eyes that sparkle, with his smile that lights up the room, to that trademark wild & unruly curly blond hair of his! He is sweet, kind, full of empathy, gentle, loving, caring and the best of both Joe and I. Do not be fooled by all of that, he has earned the title of Toughest Little Brother around here! He is quick, sharp, agile and athletic, shows a creative side and loves music and dancing. He binds us together and makes our family whole. I cannot imagine our lives without him. We are blessed to know him and to call him son and Little Brother.

And the angst over him turning two is all mine. I look back on two wonderful years and fret about where that time has gone. I want him to stay little. To remain innocent. To fit perfectly on my lap. To call me Mamama. Forever. Not just for this short time that we are given. Not just for the last two years. Not just for the next two years. But forever. As I look at Harrison, who is already 10 years old....I am reminded of how quickly the time slips by, and it's easy to get caught up in the toddler angst, the terrible twos, the trying threes. How could my little 7 lb 3 oz baby, who fit in one arm just two years ago, be running and jumping and climbing....how could he be a toddler so soon? I am torn between wishing he would stay a baby, but wanting to see who he will become. Knowing that there is just as much joy that lies in between both of those worlds. And so as I wish my sweet baby boy a very Happy 2nd Birthday, I do it with a little bit of angst over him leaving the baby stage and entering the toddler stage, but with so much joy in my heart, that I am lucky enough to be called Mamama by such an amazing little human being, who has already made such a difference in two short years.

Happy 2nd Birthday sweet little Stetson Joseph. Mommy and Daddy and Big Brother love you more and more every single day. Go into the world and let your light shine.