One of the hardest parts of choosing (and I do realize it is a choice) to stay at home to raise the children myself, is finding ways to overcome the never ending monotony of the daily mundane chores. You know which ones I mean. The ever growing pile of dirty laundry that I can never seem to find the bottom of. And the tandem pile next to this one, of the clean clothes that are in need of being folded and put in their rightful place. The sight of the dirty dishes piled in the sink, because I'm too busy cleaning up the mess on the kitchen floor to unload the clean dishes from the dishwasher to make room for the dirty ones. The toilets that need scrubbing. The counter tops that need a deep clean, but all I have time for is a quick wipe down with Lysol wipes. The dust that is so deep I can write messages to the children in it, reminding them to clean their rooms. Oh right....the children's rooms'! Those are a mess too! Don't even mention the crumbs on the kitchen floor that haven't been swept today, or the vacuum that sits downstairs, yet to be turned on this week. However, this long list of not yet accomplished goals should not be used to measure what I have failed to achieve. Let it be, rather, a marker of all the other important tasks I successfully executed in their place. Before 8am every week day morning, I have managed to get out of bed, feed and dress two children, make a pot of coffee (perhaps trivial to you, but the rest of my day hinges on this one pot of coffee being made!) make Harrison's lunch (I am often too tired the night before) and have most often had an exhausting argument about the importance of going to school every single day, whether or not you like it! All this followed by the actual trip to school, with more arguing and last minute instructions and one final "I love you" as he slams the car door in my face! My day is far from over. I fill the rest of my morning with diaper changes, cleaning up raw eggs off the carpet and end table (yes, this really happened!) kicking the kitten off the top of the gecko cage and often out of the fridge (don't even ask!) scrubbing impossible wax crayon off the walls of our current rental home, finding the child-proof doorknob cover ripped off the pantry door (yes, baby Bam Bam can pull it right off the doorknob!) and chasing my toddler off of many precarious places, like the top of the giant cat climber! All before noon! I get some reprieve while Stetson naps in the afternoon, and have that quiet time to thank for what little sanity I seem to have left. The after school routine is just as stressful as the morning rush. Pick Harrison up from school and either head home to fight about homework, or to the library for his Junior Readers program or we find ourselves at the arena, once again for another hockey practice. We still have to fit dinner in there somewhere...they do have to eat, don't they!? Didn't I just feed them this morning?!
I try not to envy my better half, as he goes out the door to work every night, leaving me a kitchen full of leftover dinner to be put away, a sink full of dirty dinner dishes and two cranky, over tired children who need to be bathed and put to bed. He flashes me a look that half heartily says he is sorry, when I know that deep down, he really is not. And let's face it...if I could walk away from it all, only to return 8 hours later to find it has been cleaned up by a magic housekeeping fairy, I would too! He goes to work, puts in his hours and comes home to relax. There is a clear definition between work and play for him. When my full time job is cleaning the house and doing laundry for 4 people, my job is never done! Not only does it not end, but the lines between work and relaxation are blurred. I feel like I can't relax as long as there is cleaning and laundry to be done. But when that never ends, how do you know when it's time to relax!? I feel guilty when I've put the children to bed, and I'm exhausted after a long day of laundry and homework and hockey, and all I want to do is sit on the couch, watch trash TV and drink wine. But I know that if I don't tidy up the kitchen and pick up the toys, that they will be there to greet me in the morning and it will still need to get done. It is hard to hold in my resentment and not let it eat away at our relationship, when I know how hard he works to allow me the luxury of being able to stay home, to be there for our boys. It can be frustrating, to watch him come home from work and want to relax, and unwind, while I am 3 loads of laundry behind and I'm afraid of walking across the kitchen floor for fear of sticking to it! How can he just relax, when clearly there is still so much to be done!? That is when I realize, that unless I force myself to take a break from it all, it will consume me and build barriers in our relationship and prevent me from enjoying precious time with my family. Some days, I have to remind myself to leave the laundry and live with sticky floors. The whole reason we have made these sacrifices is so that I can be there for my family. Where my floors and windows don't sparkle and shine, my childrens' eyes will instead. And that is a choice I can live with!
I am both a mother and a housewife
But when forced to choose one role or the other
I am always first their mother
House work is a thankless task. No sooner have you washed the dishes than you realise that there are more to do. However, I must confess, I miss being at home with Nathan. As hard as it is to be home all day with the challenges of parenting and housework, it's much, much harder to try to fit it all into a small window of time after work. There is no laundry fairy, but at least there is a magical machine that washes the clothes for us. A quick sweep of the kitchen floor in the evenings prevents it from getting too "crunchy". "Me time" is relegated to the few moments when I'm alone in the car in the morning and evenings. It's an adjustment to be a parent, but we all knew what it was that we were getting into. The sacrifices that we make now are worth it in the end.
ReplyDeleteYes, this is not meant to discount working Moms, that's for sure! I have done both, and I do recall how hard it was, working 3 jobs while pregnant with Stetson, and still trying to fit in hockey & cleaning! Sometimes I miss leaving the house tidy before work & coming home to it still being tidy and getting to leave it all behind me & trade in the piles of laundry for a few hours outside the house, even if it was to deal with cranky customers at the store where I worked, or wild kids on my school bus!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's all a balancing act for all of us- but the trick is to see, really see what matters and to let the rest go and to yes, even find joy through the hard parts/monotonous parts... I am often humbled into thankfulness when faced with the struggles of others... a mom of 2 whose husband died in a car wreck this summer, people with pantries empty, we've had 3 suicides in the neighboring community since the year started... when I feel like I am drowning, I don't always do it well or gracefully, but it helps to look around and see that the mess means love, the cranky partner is also a companion and our lacks is nothing compared to the lacks of others. Then there is always the knowledge that so many homes are dealing with the same struggles and chaos. Here your pain and your joys Netts!
ReplyDeleteSo true Angela! There are always others with far worse to deal with & it does help to remember that (and I do!) And I do remind myself that everyone faces these same chores...which is what lead me to write this post! Just this past week, I had this very discussion with 3 of my girlfriends & how frustrating it is to never complete your To Do List (it just keeps piling up!) & how we feel like we don't get a set break (we are always in work mode!) while our partners go to work & come home for their break. (their work/play environment is black & white, ours is grey!) So this post was meant to make all of my girlfriends (and any other women out there!) not feel so alone in their frustration....but I fear it came out like I was complaining & a bit of a whiner!!!! Which was not my intent!!!
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